Tuesday, September 20, 2011

And the truth is ....

Day 41.

It has been 41 days since I have seen PB (not via video chat). It has been 41 days since I have kissed PB. It has been 41 days since I have been in the same room as PB. It has been 41 days since I have touched PB. And the part that is currently killing me is that this is only the beginning. 41 days currently feels like an eternity ... but there are 690 days just like this one waiting patiently to be lived through. Six hundred ninety days until I see PB again.

I find myself being extremely cautious in this blog. I am a very private person which was the original reason I chose not to include any reference to my real name in this blog. It is also the reason I seem incapable to spill my guts.

There are moments when I want to write that PB would be ashamed of the way I am carefully choosing what information to share, but that isn't true. PB is super understanding and while there isn't an ounce of shame in his game, he completely gets that when I chose to hitch myself to his wagon and take on the titles he has managed to earn in this life that I would struggle.

I feel the need to paint PB in the best light possible. If he were writing this that wouldn't be the case at all ... he would point blank tell you straight up the cold, hard facts of his life. But I want the world to see him as more than just a title. I want the world to see the man I know - the man I love.

By now (if you've read our about me), you know that PB spent time in prison. He is a convicted felon. And through a series of misunderstandings violated his probation on two counts. He is currently once again serving time. Do you think less of me now that you know I am standing beside my boyfriend even though he is currently incarcerated?

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